


Joli

by prideinlou



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Best Friends, Bottom Louis, Character Death, Child, Child Abuse, Cute Louis, Diapers, Feminine Louis, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Infant Louis, Infantilism, Innocent Louis, Louis has infantilism, Louis in Glasses, Louis in a Dress, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Teenage Harry, Teenage Louis, Top Harry, Twink, Twink Louis, Young Louis, but Harry loves him anyway, childlike, feminine, louis loves harry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2019-10-13 17:47:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17492408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prideinlou/pseuds/prideinlou
Summary: joli [french]/'julë/1. pretty; cute2. handsome; nice; pretty♡❝ Best fends fo-ever, 'ight 'Azzie? ❞❝ Of course, Lou. ❞His father always knew that he was different. It started when he didn't want to get rid of his childhood crib. Then, he couldn't stop sucking his thumb and he preferred to use baby bottles or sippy cups rather than a regular glasses. He also took a liking toward the clothes you would find in the girl's section- skirts, dresses, and pink fuzzy socks.Louis was different, and Harry loved everything different about him. Even when life got in the way of his ability to show that love, he found a way back to his boy. His pretty, baby boy.





	1. Chapter 1

**S** **UMMER** **, 2000**  
_Ever since Anne Selley greeted her into the neighborhood with a fruit basket and a_  
_warm smile, Johannah Poulston knew that they would be best friends._

A vast _,_ colorful garden decorated the entry of the peacock-blue house, the pinks, purples, and yellows standing out behind the white picket fence. Tall trees created a barrier around the property, pink cheery blossoms blooming in the warm June air, with the tire swing attached to the large oak tree gently swaying in the breeze. Two grand windows stood out against the panels, allowing the guests inside to gaze out at the beauty of the small town of Doncaster.

A young girl sat at a makeshift cardboard box table at the end of a long driveway, smiling radiately behind her yellow sign and coin filled mason jar. "Freshly squeezed lemonade for sale, fifty pence per cup!" She announced to a couple walking past, her ebony hair glowing under the summer sun. She beamed as they approached, giggling in delight as she explained to them that her baby brother costs a _lot_ of money and she wants to help her mum with the costs. The couple cooed and brought two cups as well as throwing in a tip. She waved as the two women walked off, pouring out her jar and sorting her earnings.

She glanced up when she heard the click of high heels in front of her, smiling when she noticed who it was. "Hiya, Miss Jay!" The girl greeted, putting her money back in her jar and sitting up straight, gesturing to the table. "Are you here to purchase some fresh lemonade? Mummy helped me squeeze the lemons! Only fifty pence per cup."

Johannah chuckled, amused. "Gemma, just call me "Jay", "miss" is too old." She laughed, crouching down. "A glass of lemonade would be devine, darling, but I actually stopped by to see if your mother is home."

"She is. She's inside with Harry," Gemma informed.

"Lovely. And, I'll take two, ma'am, one for me and one for Troy."

"Coming right up," Gemma nodded and poured the drink into the paper cups, handing them to jay. "Thank you for your purchase!"

Jay smiled fondly, placing a five pound note in the jar. She walked down the stone path, taking in the beauty of the efflorescent garden surrounding her. She brushed a piece of her hair behind her ear as she walked up the stone stairs, stopping in front of the yellow door and gently knocking.

A tall woman appeared at the entrance, her long, auburn hair pulled back into a top knot. In her arms was a one year old baby boy, gurgling around his thumb. The small child smiled when he saw the woman at the door, reaching out for her. "'Ay!"

"Yes, baby, it's Jay. Say hi to Jay, sweet pea," Anne smiled at her son.

"'Ay! 'Ay!" The boy giggled, bouncing in his mother's hold, trying to grab the woman again.

"Oh! Come in, come in, it's absolutely feverous out there, dear," Anne instructed, stepping aside to allow her neighbor to enter the quaint house.

The boy continued to whine until he was transferred into Jay's arms, giggling happily. "Hello to you too, little Harry," She grinned, tickling his tummy. "Someone's very happy to see me, hm?"

Anne grabbed the two paper cups Jay placed on the entry table and brought them to the dinning room, the other woman following behind her with Harry in her arms.

"You can just set him down in the living, dear, he has bunches of toys to keep him occupied," Anne nodded toward the room she mentioned. "Tea?" She then asked while walking into the kitchen.

"Tea would be lovely," Jay smiled, going to set down the boy in his play area prior to taking a seat at the dining table, placing her pocketbook on the bench. "Gemma is going to be a magnificent business woman when she grows up, a very persuasive young lady."

Anne smiled, nodding in agreement. She placed a flower patterned mug in front of her friend, sitting on the cushioned stool next to her. "I taught her well, didn't I?"

Jay nodded. "I have marvelous news," She began after thanking her, taking a sip.

Anne nodded, signaling her to continue.

"I'm pregnant! Troy and I are having a baby!" The younger woman announced, a blinding smile on her lipstick covered lips.

Anne gasped, covering her mouth with her hand. "Oh! That's delightful! Congratulations, darling," she expressed, standing up to pull Jay into a hug. "How far along are you?"

"13 weeks. It's so ludicrous that I had no idea for _that_ long. Everything was habitual. I didn't even go through morning sickness, just a couple cramps here and there. I feel so silly for not tracking my period, 13 weeks without it and I didn't even notice? _Goodness_ , I'm getting old. I assumed I was bloated and that the cramps were the prerequisite to my period. I went to the doctor for a checkup yesterday and they wanted to take a test and well, I'm pregnant!" She said excitedly, rubbing her hand on her hardly noticeable bump. "I've always wanted a baby, Anne. Troy and I have been trying for so long, I'm so blessed."

"How are you and Troy? I know you two have been at edge recently." Anne brought up, taking a sip of her own tea.

"Oh, splendid. Now that there is a little bun in the oven, I know we'll be able to work this out. Arguing won't be good for the baby, you know?"

"Of course I do. Although I know my babies miss their father immensely, it's better that he left when he did. Gemma didn't deserve to see us arguing all the time and it wouldn't have been good for Harry to grow up with it."

"He's paying child support, right?" Jay asked, smiling down at Harry who waddled over to her, pulling at the fabric of her sundress. Jay easily lifted him into her lap, pressing her lips to his curling hair.

"Only because the court requires it," Anne laughed dryly. "He has a lovely young woman out in Dubai, probably one out in Florida as well. He's more than happy with being away from his children," she said bitterly. "Troy is a wonderful man, I know for a fact he'll be with you through everything."

Jay smiled, nodding her head. "I think he's going to propose soon."

"Oh, dear, that's lovely, I can already imagine the beautiful wedding–" Anne spoke, getting cut off by the cry of her son. She stood up, reaching to get him from Jay's hold. "Hi, sweet boy, want a baba? Hm?" She smiled, watching his green eyes light up and the corners of his lips lift up. "There's my smiley baby. No more cries, huh? Always smiley." Anne tickled his tummy, beaming when he began to giggle.

"I'm hoping for a boy," Jay spoke up, watching her friend take car of her son. "I always wanted a boy. But, I wouldn't mind if I have a girl. As long as my little angel is healthy, I'm happy."

Anne smiled over at her, placing a kiss on her son's head as she handed him the bottle. "You're going to be such a wonderful mother, Johannah. I just know it."

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**W** **INTER** **, 2000**  
_And, on that night, an angel was born._

The streets looked like an unfinished painting. Most of the canvas was white, as if it was patiently waiting for the paintbrush to return. The world seemed to fall silent as the snowflakes floated down from above, twirling and swirling in the most beautiful way. The snow hung to the building like a newborn baby, youthful and clingy. It sparkled like thousands of diamonds beneath the moonlight. The air was crisp and cold, with the wind whipping the snow throughout Doncaster. The Christmas Eve snowstorm blindfolded the town, white silence throughout.

Troy glanced out to the city through the large window, watching as only a few cars made their journey through the snow to their Christmas destinations. His fiancée had gone into labor late last night, and the couple had been in the hospital ever since, waiting for the birth of their very own son.

"Troy– oh my _God–_ we are _never_ having another child, understand?" She breathed out, clenching her fists and shutting her eyes, head tilted back. " _Fuck."_

"Do you want me to get the doctor, baby?"

"Oh– fuck– yes! I think he's fucking coming, Troy! Get him out of me _for fucks sake!"_

 **December 24, 2000**  
_13:47_  
Doncaster and Bassetlaw Teaching Hospital  
_Louis Troy Austin_  
Male  
2.8 kilograms  
Troy Austin, _Father_  
Johannah Poulston, _Mother_

Louis was the most beautiful baby Johannah had ever seen. His small body laid peacefully asleep in her arms, wrapped in a hospital provided blue blanket.

"My sweet Lou," Jay whispered, looking up at her fiancé. "I love him so much. This was all so worth it," she added, gently brushing her index finger against his soft cheek.

"Our baby," Troy smiled, kissing Jay's cheek then gently pressing his lips to his son's head. "Our little Christmas miracle."

• • •

 **E** **ARLY SUMMER** **, 2001**  
_The worst thing about being lied_  
_to is knowing you weren't worth the truth._

The young boy giggled as he stared up at the small television in front of him, tilting his head to the side curiously. He turned to glance at the baby in the green bouncer next to him, who was already reaching a wet, chubby hand out to grab hold of the curls on his head. "Lou, no," Harry said, taking Louis' hand and putting it back down. "No."

Louis giggled at him, reaching for Harry's hair with his other hand, whining when he couldn't reach the brown curly mess. "Ah. Ba!"

Harry shook his head, standing up and holding onto the bouncer for support. "No, Lou." Harry leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Louis' head.

The baby immediately let out a wail, throwing his head back harshly and kicking out his legs.

Harry frowned. "Mummy!" He called out, looking at Louis with wide emerald eyes.

Jay rushed into the living room with Anne not far behind. "Is my baby alright? What's wrong, angel?"

Harry shrugged, holding his arms up to his mother to be picked up. Anne situated him on her hip, kissing his curls and nose. "It's alright, sweets, babies cry, 'ts not your fault."

Troy came into the living room, his hands clenched around a cellphone and another small object. At the sight of the mother-son duo, he plastered on a fake smile, putting his hands behind his back. "Anne, Harry, it's lovely to see you! I hate to be rude, but Jay and I have some private business to attend to, so I have to ask you to leave."

Anne looked at her son, nodding her head. "It's completely fine, Troy. We'll get going, hm, Hare?"

"What? No, we d–"

Troy glared at his fiancée, before turning to smile at their guests.

"But, Troy–" Jay frowned.

" _Johannah_!" Troy snapped, ushering Anne and Harry out. "Come by soon, goodbye." They said their goodbyes and he slammed the door, stalking back to Jay. "Lis–"

"Troy Austin! That was horribly rude, I cannot believe you!" Jay gasped, eyebrows furrowed. "And I don't want you to _ever_ yell in front of our son _ever again,_ am I clear?" She questioned, her voice as cold as ice as she walked up to him, looking up toward the taller man. "What is up with you today? Don't you dare bring home anger from work and take it out on your family."

Louis whined in her arms, reaching out for his father. "Ah, ah," he babbled.

"What is up with me? What is up with _me_? You got to be fucking kidding me! How long did you think you could go with this fucking lie!"

"Troy! You better fix that mouth of yours in front of our son," Jay whispered-yelled, holding Louis close to her chest as she turned on her heels and briskly walked into the living area, putting the small boy in his playpen. She handed her son a small toy, smiling fondly as he giggled and put it in his mouth.

"How long did you think you could hide this from me? _Huh_? How fucking long, Jay, did you seriously think I wouldn't notice?" Troy shouted, shoving the small, white stick into her hand.

Jay's eyes widened, her skin turning a whiter shade the second she realized what he had given to her. "I-I. I was gonna make it a surprise, babe."

Troy rolled his eyes, taking a deep breath. "A _surprise,_ huh? Hidden at the bottom of the rubbish bin? That's what you label as a "surprise"?"

"Troy, please, let me explain."

Troy ignored her, fire in his eyes. "You want to know how I know that that baby inside you isn't mine? We haven't had sex since before Louis was born! It's barely been six months. You-you couldn't even wait until our son was a year old to get knocked up, could you? Honestly, how do I even know Louis is my son? For all I know, he could also be Mark Tomlinson's kid," He sneered, tossing Jay's phone on the couch. "Thought you could hide all those texts from me? All the sneaking around to see him? I don't know how I could be so fucking clueless, you've been dangling it in front of my face for months, but I was so blind. All those late nights at work, all those "business meetings." Was I not enough for you? Did you ever truly love me, Johannah? Or was all that a lie too?" Troy's voice cracked toward the end, shaking his head to rid the thousands of thoughts swimming through his brain.

"Troy, it's not what it looks like. Baby, of course Louis is yours. I love you so much, babe. Just, let me explain." Jay begged, fear clouding her vision as she looked between her phone, her son, and her fiancé.

"Then, what does it look like, Johannah? What the _fuck_ does it look like? Because to me, it looks like you've been cheating on me with your fucking _boss_ and his child is inside you. It looks like you've been sneaking around behind my back to be with another man. It looks like I've always loved you while I've been nothing to you. That's what it looks like to me," Troy whispered, brushing his fingers through his hair, pulling at the thin strands. "Get out," he breathed, looking up at her with hard features, tears creating wet tracks down his red skin.

"Troy, please–"

" _Get. Out._ " He repeated, louder this time, pointing a shaking hand to the door, unable to look her in the eyes. "Leave _my_ son with me and get out. Go start a fucking family with that bloody wanker and never come back here again."

"I'm not leaving my son, do you understand me, Troy?"

"No, Johannah, do _you_ fucking understand _me_? I can't believe you, you-you slag. I love– _loved_ you so much. I was going to marry you, spend as much money as I needed to to make it the greatest night of your life. All I wanted to do was make you happy because all I want in life is for you to be happy. Fuck you. Fuck you, Johannah, for doing this to me. Fuck you for cheating on me. Fuck you for hiding it from me. _Fuck you for making me fall for you_ ," Troy's tone gradually got softer and he was no longer able to hold back a sob. "L-leave my son here with me and get out, Jay. Leave my ring too."

"F-fine, Troy. But, you'll be hearing from my lawyers, I'll be back here to get _my_ son," Jay insisted, trying to compose herself as she grabbed her phone and stormed out. "Fuck you, Troy!" She snapped before slamming the door.

Troy allowed himself to cry, falling at the side of Louis' playpen as another sob left his lips. "I-I'm so sorry, baby. I love you so much, my little Louis. I don't want it to be like this," he whispered, smiling wetly when Louis giggled and pressed his small hand up against the mesh to reach for him. "My only baby. I'll love you forever, okay, angel? I'll never leave your side. I'll protect you from this cruel, cruel world, _always_ , even if I have to do it alone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Family members of Louis and Harry will be given a bad character to play, and Jay is one of them. I mean no disrespect to Jay and I hope she rests in peace, but her cheating is critical to make the story work. I love her and this is in no way meant for this to be taken seriously. This is a work of fiction, I'm sorry if this offends you.


	3. Chapter 3

**M** **ID-AUTUMN** **, 2001**  
_New beginnings are often disguised_  
_as painful endings._

"Well, Mister Austin, we will continue to look into this, but with this case, I feel the law is on our side. Especially with the recent DNA tests concluding Louis is positively your son. We will have to wait until the child is born to see if they are Mister Tomlinson's." Mister Simon Cowell stated, tapping the files in his hands on the table to straighten them out. "The one issue is that you two are not married in the eyes of the law. But, I don't think that will affect our case greatly," he nodded, standing up. "Next Monday we will meet with Miss Poulston and her lawyer, if that works with y–"

"Ah! Dah! Oh-a-ah!" Giggled the naked, nine month old baby as he quickly crawled into the kitchen. "Da! Uh, uh." He whined, going over to his dad, sitting flat on his bum and putting his hand in his mouth.

Gemma was not far behind him, holding a fresh diaper and a tiger stuffed animal. Her cheeks turned red with embarrassment as she noticed the two men looking at her and the baby. "I'm sorry, Troy. Haz and I couldn't hold him back, he wanted his dad." She explained, glancing back as Harry waddled his way over, holding onto his older sister's leg.

"Sowwy."

"It's completely fine," Simon smiled, grabbing his briefcase and placing the papers inside. "I'm just heading out, anyway. Thank you for meeting with me, Troy. You surely have a daddy's boy on your hands."

Troy chuckled, picking up his son. "Since birth," he agreed, kissing Louis' head. "I'll show you out," he insisted, handing the small boy to Gemma and leading Simon out, shutting the door behind him.

Anne walked over to him and gently placed her hand on his shoulder. "She was my best friend... I thought we told each other everything," she sighed. "I can't believe she'd do this to Louis, to you."

Troy sighed, turning to look at the woman. "I didn't ask you to come over to side with me. She's your friend, Anne, I don't expect you to bash her just because she hurt me."

"She didn't just hurt you, Troy, she hurt Louis. Her son, for Christ's sake. Over these past couple months, I've grown to adore Louis. He is the sweetest little thing, reminds me so much of Harry. Anyone who would put their selfishness in front of their child's happiness is no friend of mine."

• • •

 **L** **ATE AUTUMN** **, 2001**  
_There is a difference between giving_  
_up and knowing when you have had enough._

"I hate you, Troy," Jay snapped, throwing the papers at him, resting her hand on her growing baby bump. "I can't believe you'd even _dare_ try to take my son from me, you sick fuck."

"I just love how you call him _your_ son, like you actually love him," Troy laughed bitterly, shaking his head. "If you really loved _my_ son, you wouldn't have cheated on his father. If you really loved him, you wouldn't have driven a wedge between us, _his parents_. "You are selfish, Johannah."

Jay sighed, brushing her fingers through her long, brown hair. "Troy, I love you so much, and I love Louis. He's my baby, my first born. How about we start over again? I don't want to lose you, please don't give up on me." She pleaded, biting her lip.

"It's not giving up, Jay. I've had enough. I've had enough of you trying to defend yourself. There is absolutely no reason on this fucking planet for you to do that to my Louis, _our_ Louis. He doesn't deserve this." He said, zipping up his jacket as he walked out of the courthouse and to his car.

"Troy-"

"No, Jay, no." Troy whispered, turning back to her. "I'm getting full custody of my son. But, just so you know, I'm not going to fed him an opinion of you. He is going to grow up knowing who is mother is, knowing that she had loved him. I'll tell him about you, Johannah, he'll never forget about you. I'm sorry, but you chose to cheat on me, you chose to risk your live with him. No one but you is at fault. I loved you, Jay, I really did, but you clearly didn't love me or my son enough to stay and be my wife and his mother."

• • •

 **LATE WINTER** **, 2002**  
_"I was never ready for you to leave."_

"Ma!" Louis whined, wiggling in his father's arms, looking around at all people in black surrounding them, sticking out his bottom lip. "Mama."

"Mama is sleeping, baby," Troy whispered, nodding his head as an older woman greeted him, who he was pretty sure is Johannah's aunt.

"Whah?"

Troy sighed, kissing his son's soft caramel hair. "'Cause she likes it, honey. She's safe when she sleeps," he said, going over to their seats next to Johannah's mother and father.

"Wake?' Louis questioned, tilting his head to the side in confusion then reaching out for his nana, whining. "Na."

"No, sweetheart." Answered his father, handing his son to the arms of the waiting woman.

"How is my sweet little Lou, hm?" She cooed, kissing his nose, smiling as Louis giggled and played with her necklace. "Do you like it, honey? Maybe nana will give it to one day, to remember me."

"Hello, Mister and Missus Poulston," greeted another man. Troy turned his body toward the guest, narrowing his eyes when he put a name to a face.

"Mark, I'd appreciate it if you kept your distance from my son." He spoke with a bitter tone, glancing to make sure his little Louis is safe.

"Troy, you know I had no idea she was engaged, she never mentioned you, no pictures. She had told me that Louis was the product of a failed relationship, I'm terribly sorry for what I caused–"

"None of that," Johannah's mother demanded. "We are here to celebrate her life, not to discuss her faults. My daughter was not perfect, she made mistakes, but her life was taken from her at a young age. Let's all come together peacefully for her, just this once."

Everyone agreed and chose to stay silent until the ceremony began.

"Johannah was taken from us to soon." Mister Poulston began his speech, wiping under his eyes. "Just four days ago, Jay was driving to work after dropping her young daughter off at her father's house when she was hit by a drunk driver. We-we miss her, greatly, but she is in a better place now. She loved her son, Louis, and her daughter, Charlotte, dearly, and I know she wishes she could be here for them." He went on to talk about wonderful memories of his daughter, from when he first held her to when he last said goodbye.

Within the hour, the ceremony was over, and Johannah's casket was lowered into the snow covered ground.

"Mama?" Louis whimpered, reaching out for the casket. "Mama!" He whined before beginning to cry. Why are they doing that to his mommy? She can't breathe down there.

Troy excused himself and brought Louis into the church, sitting in the back pew with the young boy in his arms.

"Da, wa' ma." Louis said, wiggling in Troy's arms. He needs to save his mommy, she can't breathe, he needs to help her.

"Sh, baby, mommy is okay. Mommy is sleeping, sweetheart, it's safer for her to sleep down there. She's okay, sweetie. Daddy loves you so, so much, baby boy. Mommy loves you too"

• • •

 **S** **UMMER** **, 2007**  
_"When a flower doesn't bloom,_  
_you fix the environment in which it grows,_  
_not the flower."_  
_–Alexander Den Heijer_

 **_Troy always knew Louis was different._ **  
**_It started when he didn't want_ **  
**_to get rid of his childhood crib._ **

"Lou, baby, you are a big boy now, huh? Big boys don't sleep in a crib," Troy attempted to explain to his son, who was stubbornly laying in his crib, refusing to let his father take him out of it.

"No, dah, Lou 'ikes 'is bed! No bi' boy bed! No, dahdee." The six year old whined, hiding under his blanket and hugging his stuffed tiger close to his chest. "'ou baby, daddy, not big boy. Stay 'ere."

Troy sighed, crouching down to his level. "Okay, bunny, you can keep the crib. You'll always be my baby, Lou. Daddy loves you lots and lots."

Louis giggled, poking his head out of the blanket and reaching out to touch Troy's nose. "Bun love too, dahdee."

 **_Then, he couldn't stop sucking his_ **  
**_thumb and he preferred_ **  
**_to use baby bottles or sippy cups_ **  
**_rather than a regular glasses._ **

Louis giggled as he crawled over next to Harry, snuggling up to his best friend. "'Azzie."

"Yes, blue?" Harry asked, fixing Louis' glasses and tapping his nose lightly to get the young boy to smile.

"Baba," He demanded, furrowing his brows. "Want, want baba."

Harry grinned fondly. "Say please, little Lou."

"Want, please, 'az." Louis pouted. "Baba."

Troy walked into the living area, sitting next to Louis and lifting him into his lap. "No, baby. No bottle. You're too old for a bottle, love."

"Sippy, dahdee." Louis insisted, wiggling in his fathers arms.

"Sippy cups are for little babies, Lou, you are not a little baby anymore, love."

Louis let out a whine, sticking his thumb into his mouth and sucking as tears made their way down his rosy cheeks.

Troy frowned, going to remove Louis' thumb from his mouth but Louis screamed loudly, getting off his lap and hiding under his blanket on the floor.

 **_He also took a liking toward_ **  
**_the clothes you would_ **  
**_find the girl's section– skirts, dresses,_ **  
**_and pink fuzzy socks._ **

"Schools about to start, isn't it bunny? What do you want to get for your first day?" Troy asked his son, leading him through the store and toward the boy's section. When he didn't receive a response, he frowned, turning to see if Louis was behind him. But, he wasn't. The toddler was standing in front of a floral yellow dress, gently fingering with the lace trim.

"Dahdee?" Louis asked, turning toward his father with a hopeful glint in his eye. "Want, pwetty pwease."

"You want a dress, baby? Dresses are typically for girls." Troy said hesitantly, walking over to him and crouching down to be face to face with his son.

"Want." Louis nodded, standing on his tiptoes to grab the first one on the rack and handing it to his father.

Troy looked at the dress and then the toddler, smiling as he placed the dress back on the rack. "Ok, baby, anything you want," he agreed, searching for the correct size then putting it over his arm. "What else do you want to get?"

Louis led him around the pink walled section, grabbing skirts, dresses, and shirts with sparkles, lace, and flowers. And Troy allowed him to grab each one, complimenting him on his choices, and telling him how beautiful he will look.

 **_Troy knew Louis was different,_ **  
**_but he wouldn't change it for the world._ **

"Well, Mister Austin, it appears to me that your son has infantilism," Doctor Aoki explained, watching as one of the young nurses lead Louis over to look at the office fish tank.

"What is infantilism? Is Louis okay?" Troy asked worriedly, eye brows furrowed as he too looked to his son. A small smile made its way to his lips as he watched his son giggling happily, attempting to chase the fast swimming fishes with his finger.

Doctor Aoki chuckled, patting the worried father's shoulder. "He's perfectly okay. Infantilism is the persistence of infantile characteristics or behavior in adult life. Although Louis is only a toddler, the behavior he shows is not normal for his age. Most children develop fluent speech at the age of three, which Louis clearly lacks. He insists on using bottles, which many children stop at about 12 months, and he prefers diapers to pull-ups or basic undergarments. Most children are done with diapers by three years, but Louis is six, almost seven in December. It is highly unlikely for a child to persist with infantile behaviors as a toddler, hence why we brought him in for testing." He explained to Troy all the signs, and showed him the scans of Louis' brain, pointing out the differences with an infantistic brain versus the brain of a standard child. "We believe that infantilism is hereditary, but there is no cure. Infantilism is not a disease, but a physiological disorder. Even with his infantilism, Louis is a happy and healthy child."

Troy sighed, rubbing his forehead with his hand. "Okay, doc, as long as this can't hurt him, I don't want my baby to go through any pain because of it."

"He is perfectly healthy and unharmed, Mister Austin. It's physiological, not physical. With the research we have on infantilism, Louis will go through no pain. His brain and body are still under the impression he is an infant, hence the infantile behaviors and characteristics. Louis is different, since not many his age are diagnosed with infantilism, but he is still your son."

"He is my world, my only son. I'll always love him no matter what." The father insisted.

After the appointment, Troy took Louis out for ice cream, listening to his son babble about the pretty fish he met today thanks to Nurse Isabella.

That night, with his toddler asleep in his arms, he did some research on the disorder, because yeah, his son _is_ different, but Louis' difference will not change Troy's love for him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and all my information about infantilism comes from the internet. However, after long downward spirals into the internet, I have found very little information about infantilism. Thus, I must make some some characteristics on my own to have the story work. If you know someone that can help me with true facts about infantilism, please, please reach out, because it would be greatly appreciated, I do not want to get anything wrong.
> 
> I mean no disrespect to Johannah Deakin. I'm sorry if this offends.


	4. Chapter 4

**AUTUMN, 2012** ****  
_Be careful who you hate,_   
_because it could be someone_ _  
_you love.

"Hazzie!" Louis whined, throwing his head back as he pulled on the chain. "Now, now, now!"

"I'm coming, bub," Harry smiled gently, making his way over to the small boy and hoisting him up into the bucket swing.

It was a Sunday in September, and Anne brought the two best friends to the park to enjoy the rare, nice weather in Doncaster. She sat in the shade with the newest read from her weekly Book Club, glancing up every now and then to check on the young boys.

The two were inseparable. Ever since Harry saw the small baby in Jay's arms that lovely December, he never wanted to be away from the sparkling blue eyes and the soft giggle. And, he stuck to that promise. Whenever Louis needed him, he was there, always. Louis may be different from his other friends at school, he may be behind everyone else, but that would never stop Harry from being at Louis' side through thick and thin.

Louis giggled and leaned forward to kiss Harry's cheek then smiled brightly at him. He kicked out his legs, a signal that he wanted Harry to push him.

Harry nodded, pushing Louis' glasses up his nose then going behind him to gently push the boy in the swing.

They always got dirty looks when they put the 11 year old in the bucket swing, but the one time Troy put Louis on the "big boy swing", he almost immediately fell and scratched up his back, so they decided Louis' safety comes first.

"Kitty, 'azzie," Louis said, wiggling in the seat with a whine. "Cat!"

"We can play with Dusty when we get home, yeah?"

"Dust!" Louis giggled, turning his head to look at the boy then reaching his hands out for him. "Babba."

"Lou, baby, hold onto the chains for me, yeah? Don't want you to get hurt." Harry scolded, slowing down the swing then gently taking the younger out, holding him up on his hip. "Let's get the babba from Mummy Anne."

Louis clapped happily, wrapping his arms around Harry's neck.

Anne smiled when she saw the two walking over. "Is little Lou tired, hm?" She asked, closing her book and putting it in her bag.

"He wants his bottle and Dusty," Harry informed, handing his mother the boy.

Louis giggled, cuddling up in the woman's arms and yawning. "Hm, sweetie pie, you want to head home and take a nap?"

Louis rapidly shook his head, eyes wide as he reached out for the curly haired lad. "Play, 'Az!"

Anne smiled fondly, grabbing Louis' backpack and standing up. "Alright, honey, you can play with Hazza, then bottle and nap with daddy."

The boy nodded, giggling. "Dada," he smiled before making grabby hands at Harry. "'Az!"

Once Louis was in his best friends arms, they headed back to Harry's, where the two boys played with Dusty and watched TV until Louis went home with his dad, fast asleep from his nightly bottle.

After changing into his pajamas, Harry went into the living room, where his mom and step-dad were watching a movie together. He sat between them, snuggling up to Anne under the blanket.

"Hi, baby, what's up?" Anne asked, brushing her fingers through his chocolate brown curls.

"Can I tell you something?" Harry whispered, sitting up straight to look at his parents.

Anne frowned, nodding her head. "Of course, love, anything. Is everything alright?" She paused the movie, turning toward her son.

Harry stood up and put his hands behind his back, swaying slightly with a smile on his face. "I like Louis, mummy."

Anne's brows furrowed together and she laughed fondly, shaking her head. "Of course you do, baby, he's your best friend."

Harry shook his head. "No. I like like Louis, how you like dad," he said confidently. "Liam said he like likes Cheryl, and I like like Lou." He began to sway again as pink graced his cheeks. "I want Lou to be my boyfriend."

Robin immediately sat up, looking over the boy in front of him. "Nope, no son of mine likes boys." He said.

Anne gasped at her husband's tone, turning toward him. "Robin!"

But the man just shook his head, standing up. "No. Go to your room, Harry, now."

Harry frowned. "Why can't I like Louis, dad–"

" _Now_ , Harry!" Robin snapped, then walked into the kitchen to get his keys. "I'm going for a drive, I-I need to think about all... _this_ ," he waved his arms around before leaving, slamming the door behind him.

Almost immediately, Harry began to cry. "Wh-what did I do, mummy? H-he never yells, why can't I like L-lou? Miss Jasmine and Miss Angelina like each other, I-I wanna be Lou's boyfriend, mum."

Anne shook her head. "Sh, sh, baby, it's alright. He just needs time to process, it's alright, honey. It's not your fault at all. Let's get you to bed, yeah? School tomorrow," she assured, following her son up the stairs so he could get ready for bed.

After midnight, Harry heard his bedroom door open and he whined when the smell of alcohol burned his nose. "Wha...?"

"Shut up, faggot." Robin sneered, flipping in the light and pulling Harry up by his t-shirt roughly, causing the half-asleep boy to whimper. "Quiet!" He hissed. "Listen to me, I don't want your fucked up friend in my house ever again, do you understand me? I don't want you anywhere near him. I don't want a fag for a son." He snapped, shoving Harry back down. "If I ever, _ever_ see that freak in my house again or if tell your mother about this, you will regret it," he slurred before leaving.

Once the door shut, Harry curled into himself and cried, hugging Peter, a stuffed rabbit Louis gave him incase he ever misses him. And, oh, does Harry miss him.

• • • 

Louis giggled as he ran up to his best friend, poking at his side. "'Azzie!"

Harry slowly turned toward the boy after smiling apologetically at his other mates. "Yeah, bub?"

The group snickered while Nick Grimshaw playfully shoved Harry. "See you later, tosser," he laughed. Then, the boys left, leaving the pair alone.

Louis didn't notice the remarks the boys made toward them, he just began to show Harry a page in his bright yellow notebook. "Me 'n 'ou!" He smiled, pointing at the two figures in his drawing.

Harry couldn't keep the fond smile from his lips as he leaned down and pulled the small boy into a hug. "It's beautiful, LouLou."

Louis giggled, kissing Harry's check. "Miss Abbie," he said, pointing in the direction of his class, bouncing in place.

Harry smiled even wider, pushing Louis' hair from his eyes. "Alright love, let's get you to class," he agreed and walked his friend to his teacher.

Miss Abbie was Louis' special needs teacher. With his infantile attention span and childish behavior, he couldn't be taught in a regular classroom setting. He needed more attention and help than the other preteens did, and since Troy worked closely with the headmaster of Hall Cross Academy, he was able to get a teacher specifically for special needs children.

"Bye, bunny," Harry whispered when they stopped in front of the classroom, gently taking Louis' thumb from his mouth and whipping it on his own vest.

"Kiss, 'Azzie," Louis smiled, pointing to his cheek and looking up at Harry with bright blue eyes.

Harry glanced over his shoulder to see his mates looking at him, making kissy faces and laughing. He frowned and turned to the small boy, softly kissing his cheek. "See you later, Louis," he whispered before going over to his other friends.

Louis waved at his best friend excitedly. "Bye, bye!" He grinned then went inside.

• • • 

Later that week, while Robin was out with friends, Harry decided to sneak Louis over. In his defense, Louis had a temper tantrum during school because Harry said he couldn't come over. After all, Louis _is_ his best friend, who he loves very, _very_ much, and he hates seeing him upset. He'd rather his step-dad get mad at him then for Louis to be sad.

Everything was going fine, the two best friends were watching Finding Nemo while cuddling in Harry's room when Robin walked in, anger written all over his features.

"Oh, hello, Louis, didn't except you to be here, didn't Harry tell you that he's grounded?" Robin smiled calmly, walking over to the two boys.

Louis pouted, shaking his head. "'Az on bed, not ground," he reasoned, pointing to the bed.

Robin snapped and grabbed the small boy by his arm, pulling him out of the bed. The sudden action caused Louis to cry out and reach for Harry with a whimper.

"Dad! _Stop_!" Harry gasped, jumping out of the bed to go to Louis, who had wide fearful eyes and a trembling bottom lip.

"Gemma Anne! Get in here!" Robin demanded, waiting for the teen to come to the door.

She frowned, glancing at her brother and his friend. "Is everything okay?" She asked in concern.

"Louis said his stomach hurts, so I was wondering if you could bring him home. I don't want him walking around outside, it's too dark," the man said sweetly.

Louis whined, shaking his head. "Stay Hazzie."

"Can I go with him-?"

"No, Harry!" Robin said. Once Gemma had taken the younger boy outside, he shut Harry's door and turned to his stepson. "You son of a bitch! What did I fucking tell you about that _freak_ being in my house?" He spit, backing Harry into the wall. "Cuddling him too... you are such a fag. A fucking disgrace!" He snapped.

• • • 

"Hazzie o-tay?" Louis asked the next day, gently brushing his nail polish covered fingers against the harsh bruise forming on his best friend's cheek.

Harry flinched, backing away a step. "I-I'm okay, baby, don't worry. Let's get you to Miss Abbie."

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean no disrespect to Robin Twist and I hope he rests in peace.  
> I'm sorry if this offends anyone.
> 
> Alcohol, vulgar language, verbal sexual harassment and rape in the next chapter! be cautious.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains triggering content, such as alcohol, vulgar and gross language, sexual harassment and rape. 
> 
> If you are easily triggered by any of the mentioned, I do not suggest you read this chapter.
> 
> A single * will mark the beginning of the rape scenes.  
> Two *s will signify the end.
> 
> There is more than one section of this chapter that has mentions of sexual harassment.
> 
> Be on the look out for the *s.
> 
> Read at your own risk.

 

**LATE WINTER, 2013  
** _How am I supposed to pretend I never_   
_want to see you again?_

"A B C D E F G," Louis softly sang as he arranged the stuffies around his bed, putting Happy— the stuffed hedgehog Harry gave him for his birthday— in the front. "L M N O P."

"You forgot H I J K," Harry informed, sitting next to the younger boy, brushing his fingers through Louis' soft fringe.

Louis shook his head, crawling into Harry's lap. "Afta P," he stated, reaching for his sippy cup.

Harry handed it to him with a fond smile upon his lips, wrapping his arms around the cuddly boy. "After G and before L."

Louis took a sip of the warm milk, shaking his head. He giggled happily when Harry started to tickle him, squirming and trying to get away.

"No, no, no, silly goose. Stay with Hazzie," the older said gently, rubbing his hand up and down Louis' back. He pressed his lips to the top of the boy's head, shutting his eyes.

"No, no, 'Azzie," Louis whined, biting Harry's shoulder with his tiny teeth.

Harry gasped, dropping his arms and putting his hand over his heart. "Ouchy!"

The younger boy giggled loudly, a bright smile forming on his lips as he gave Harry's shoulder a soft kiss, as well as having Happy do the same thing. He began to suck on the sippy cup, nuzzling into Harry's chest.

"Thank you, baby."

The loud ringing of Harry's cell phone interrupted their cuddle. A frown took over the boy's features as he glanced over at the screen, seeing it light up with Robin's name. Gently taking the small boy off his lap, Harry reached over to grab the device. He stood up and walked into the hallway, with Louis waddling after him.

"'Azzie!"

"Shh, baby, go back in your room. Hazzie will be back in a second," He whispered, looking down at the screen as it turned black, before another call came in almost immediately.

Louis whined, shaking his head. "You!" Tears welled up in the corners of his eyes as he stared up at Harry, holding Happy close to his chest.

Harry's eyebrows knitted together, reaching out to cup Louis' blushed cheek. "Hey, it's okay, don't get upset, sweetheart, I–"

Just then, Troy came upstairs, holding a bowl of goldfish crackers and a bag from Toys-R-Us. Louis gasped, eyes lighting up as he ran toward his father, making grabby hands toward the bowl.

"Dahdee!"

Troy smiled, the skin by his eyes crinkling as he crouched down to Louis' height, placing the items on the tan carpet beside his feet. "Hi, angel."

Harry watched as the two as Louis crawled into Troy's lap, having Happy give the old man a kiss. The curly haired lad stepped aside, looking down at his phone as the fourth call lit up his screen. Frowning, he clicked the green button, taking a deep breath.

"You better not be with that sick faggot, Harry." Robin slurred, anger seeping through his voice. "You don't seem to get it, do you? How many times do I have to beat your ass... before you learn, faggot? If you aren't home in five minutes... you won't be able to walk! You disgust me!" The older man snapped. "If I have to call one more time, you won't want to know what I'll do to you." Then, he hung up.

The loud sound echoed through his head as he put his phone in his back pocket. After composing himself, Harry turned back to the father and son pair, finding them sitting on the pink carpet in Louis' room, rummaging through the new toys.

"Lou?"

Louis glanced up at his best friend, crooked teeth on full display as he rushed over to Harry, almost tripping over his own feet. "Come pay!" He squealed, tugging on the boy's t-shirt.

Harry shook his head, lifting Louis off his feet, hugging him tightly. "I gotta go, Lou. I'll see you tomorrow," he said gently. He placed the boy back onto the floor, giving him a sad smile. "We will play after school tomorrow."

Louis tilted his head to the side, jutting out his bottom lip. "Otay, 'Azzie."

"Can I have a kiss?" Harry asked, crouching down and pointing to his cheek.

Louis giggled and happily nodded, leaning forward to press a kiss to his best friend's cheek.

Harry smiled at him, before he stood up to his full height, waving at Troy. "Bye Troy, thanks for letting me watch him."

"No, thank _you_. He adores you so much, thank you for spending time with him." Troy smiled, fixing Louis' fringe when his son sat next to him, already babbling on about nothing. "See you tomorrow."

"Bye Lou," Harry said. He let himself out, walking across the lawn to his own home. He stood outside the door for a short second, taking a shaky breath. He shouldn't have went to Louis' after school.

Upon opening the door, he was greeted with a loud voice. "Look! The faggot is back home! Took him long enough!" Robin laughed, walking up to Harry and shoving him into the wall beside the door, slamming it shut. "You disgust me. I cannot believe I have to call you my son. Hangin' out with the retard again, bet he sucked your dick good today, huh? So good you couldn't even answer the phone," The man slurred, smashing the liquor bottle on the wall behind the teens head. "Go to your room and don't mention this to your mother, got it, bitch?" With that, Robin kneed him in the stomach before walking off into the kitchen.

Harry squeezed his eyes shut, letting out a quiet sob. He rushed up the stairs as best as he could, shutting his door and falling onto the floor, resting his forehead on the hardwood, taking shaky breaths.

He shouldn't have went to Louis'.

Ever since Harry told his parents about his feelings toward his infantile best friend, Robin began to get abusive. Behind Anne's back and to the blind eye of neighbors and friends, the old man physically and emotional abused his step-son, making sure Harry knew his stance on his "little crush."

• • •

Harry tried not to let Robin's harsh words get to his head. He tried not to comply with the threats.

Louis is his best friend.

But sometimes, friendships don't last.

• • •

*****

"You are just as much of a freak as that _thing_! No matter what I tell you, you continuously hang out with _it_! How much do you pay the retard to get on his knees for you? Two stuffed bunnies and a bag of candy?" Robin snorted, pushing Harry into the wall, repeatedly punching him. "Bet he does it so good. So easily to manipulate. Bet he likes being a little sex toy, on his knees gagging for you. Probably would get on his knees for me too, I'll even give the little freak some cookies for being a good sport."

Harry coughed, spitting out blood. "Shut up! Don't talk about him like that!"

"Covered in my cum, in nothing but a ruined pair of panties," Robin snickered, pressing his boner to Harry's thigh. "He'd look so good under me."

"You are sick," Harry snapped, hissing as the man slapped him across the face. Tears streamed down his face as he tried to block out Robin's words.

Robin smirked, shoving the boy to the floor as he unbuckled his belt, throwing it aside. "Since he's not here, guess you are going to have to pleasure me." He hummed. "Better do it without a fuss or he'll be next."

Harry looked up at the man, tears streaming down his face.

He wouldn't let Louis get hurt.

• • •

"Good boy, Harry."

******

• • •

Robin kneed Harry in the groin, cackling as he fell to the ground. "No matter what I do to you, you still go back to that retard. Maybe it's time I turn some threats into a reality. Might need to buy a new box of condoms, though." He smirked, smashing the large beer bottle on the floor beside them. "Look what you made me do, break a perfectly good glass bottle. 'Should put the glass to use, what do you think?" He chuckled, dragging a shard across the pale skin of his step-son's neck.

Harry let out a sob, trying to get out of the man's grasp. "St-t-top, please," he whimpered.

"Hold still, cocksucker, before I hit an artery," Robin mumbled, pressing Harry's hand into a pile of the glass.

The young boy yelped, crying out. "Please stop, please stop, please," he babbled, kicking out his legs in hopes of stopping the drunk man.

*****

Robin licked his lips, unbuttoning his jeans and pulling them down. "Don't have any condoms on me, be a good boy and daddy will think about pulling out."

"Harry, baby? Is that you? Is everything–" The warm voice of a woman echoed into the hall as the front door opened. Her eyes widened and her keys slowly fell from her hands as she took in the scene before her.

Her husband knelt over her only son, both of the males pants down as the older hand his hand around his dick, shouting obscenities at the boy as he bleed from the large cut on his throat.

******

"Mummy," Harry croaked, tears pooling in his eyes.

"Robin!" Anne screamed, shoving the man off her son, pulling the teen into her arms. "Baby, oh baby. Get the fuck out of my house before I call the cops! You sick fuck! What is wrong with you! You're lucky I don't kill you!" She yelled, helping Harry to his feet and rushing them into the guest bathroom, locking the door. "It's okay, baby, it's okay." She assured, sitting on the floor with him as she called 999. She couldn't stay out there with the man, she couldn't even look into his eyes anymore.

"Give him to me, Anne, I'm not done with him!" Robin slurred, pounding on the door. "Your son is a sick faggot!"

Harry sobbed loudly, curling into his mother's embrace.

The police soon arrived, escorting the drunk, angry man off the property. He continued to shout things about Harry and Louis, threatening to do horrible acts to the pair when he gets away.

Anne rubbed her thumb over her son's hand, watching as the ambulance staff checked him over, bandaging him up. "He can't hurt you anymore, baby. It's okay... I'm so sorry."

• • •

**MID-SPRING, 2013**   
_But a real friend wouldn't do that._

"Dahdee say 'Azzie sad," Louis pouted, tugging on the fabric of Harry's school vest. "Cuddle, 'Azzie?"

"No, Lou," Harry snapped, glaring at the small boy as he shoved him away. "I know you may be a retard but your ears still work, leave me alone, okay!"

Tears welled up in the corners of his once bright baby blues. " _Yes_ , Lou," he croaked, stepping closer.

Harry loves cuddles, why doesn't he wanna cuddle?

Harry glanced over toward his group of mates, who were mocking them. Nick tugged on the corner of Ed's vest, pouting out his bottom lip. " _Please, 'Azzie_!" He fake cried.

The teen's eyes narrowed as he turned his attention back toward his best mate. " _Fuck_. _Off_. I don't want to be friends with a retarded freak. Don't you get it? Leave me alone, Louis! I am not your friend, and I never will be! I only ever gave you the time of day because my mother forced me to! I always thought you were a freak! Go find someone else to deal with you, cause I'm so fucking sick of you!" Harry snapped, moving closer to him. "It's time you grow the fuck up, freak." He choked out, crossing his arms and walking over to his mates, who all gave him high fives. Harry didn't spare his once best friend a glance, holding his head up high as he left the building.

Louis hugged Happy to his chest, a single tear trailing down his pink cheeks. "'Azzie?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so hard for me to write, and I'm so sorry that it exists, but everything in this story has happened to people, and is 100% real. It's necessary to the plot of the fic as well. I'm sorry.
> 
> Robin will not be coming back, don't worry. This will never, ever happen again.
> 
> To the real Robin Twist, you were an amazing man. Rest in peace.
> 
> There will be a character death in the next chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: CHARACTER DEATH

**EARLY SPRING, 2014**   
_Some things you just can't prepare for._

         "Lou, baby!" Troy called, placing his keys on the island along with his work bag. "Come see daddy!"

         Louis squealed, waddling into the kitchen. He giggled, looking up at his father from behind his stuffed koala bear. "'i, 'i, dahdee!"

         The man smiled fondly, crouching down and opening his arms. "Come give daddy cuddles, angel."

         Louis smiled, shaking his head and running out of the kitchen, giggling as he hid behind Gemma's legs, peeking out from behind them.

         "Oh no! Where is my little angel? I think I lost him! Gemma, have you seen a cute little boy anywhere?" Troy asked the blonde woman, shielding his eyes with his hand as he looked around the living area. He checked behind the couch and even under Louis' toys, frowning deeply. "I wonder were he is. I was going to give him some sugar cookies from work, but I guess I'll have to eat them all by myself." He sighed.

         Louis gasped, dropping his stuffy and running over to his father. "Dahdee, dah! 'i, 'i, 'i! I Lou!" The teen chanted.

         Troy smiled, effortlessly picking up the boy and putting him over his shoulder. "There's my Lou!" He laughed, spinning the boy around. Louis giggled loudly, throwing his head back.

         Gemma smiled at the pair, laughing along with them. Once Louis was put down, he immediately ran over to her, jumping into the woman's arms.

         "Hi, baby," Gemma smiled, kissing his forehead.

         "Thank you so much for watching him, Gem. I know it was extremely last minute. It means a lot to me. Are you sure you don't want anything?" Troy said, walking into the kitchen to grab his wallet. "Name your price."

         Gemma shook her head, placing Louis in his high chair and handing him a piece of a cookie. "Don't worry about it, Troy. I love spending time with the little bug. He is the cutest, the little brother I wish I had but I was stuck with Harry instead," she teased, glancing back at her neighbor.

         "I insist," Troy pushed, handing her three £20 notes. "Thank you."

         Gemma rolled her eyes, sighing dramatically as she took the notes. "Thanks." She smiled.

         Troy nodded happily, looking over at his son, who was munching on the cookie. He leaned to the side, coughing into his elbow roughly. Suddenly, his vision blurred, and dizziness took over. He blindly reached his hand out to grab onto the island, coughing into his hand.

         Gemma frowned, stepping closer to the man. "Troy... are you okay?"

         The man glanced down at his hand, watching as the red blood darkened his skin.

         "Oh my god! Troy!"

• • •

**SUMMER, 2014**   
_"Never say goodbye,_   
_because saying goodbye means going away,_   
_and going away means forgetting."_   
_–Peter Pan_

         The steady beat of the heart monitor echoed through the room. A man laid still in the stiff, lumpy bed, watching the small TV in the corner of the room as it played a colorful cartoon. He glanced over at the small sitting area,— that was comprised of one chair— seeing his only son coloring in a book on the side table.

         "Go 'ome, dah?" The boy questioned, looking at his father through his eyelashes.

         The man shook his head gently, willing away the tears in his eyes. A jolt of pain shot through his head, spreading down his spine. "N-no angel. Daddy is staying here, Gemma is gonna take you to Nana's." He said weakly, sniffling as he looked at all the machines hooked up to him.

         Louis pouted when his father didn't give him enough attention. He got up from the chair and walked over to the bed. He grabbed onto the guardrail and lifted himself onto the mattress, cuddling into Troy's side. "Dahdee otay?" He whispered.

         The cancer was spreading quickly, quicker than the doctors thought. It was taking over his life. He's getting weaker. It's harder to stand, to breathe, to eat. He can't do anything on his own anymore.

         The pain is unbearable. Every night, when Louis leaves with Jay's parents, the man cries within the darkness of the cramped room.

         He cries because of his son. Louis will never get the future he deserves. Louis will never get to live a normal life.

         He cries because of Jay. Despite everything, if she was here, she'd be able to care for their son. She would make sure he is safe, since Troy won't be able to anymore.

         And lastly, he cries for himself. He cries because there is nothing more he can do. He fought as hard as he could, as hard as his body would allow— for Louis, for himself— and he can't do it anymore.

         He doesn't know how much longer he will be able to hold on.

         Troy slowly lifted his arm, wrapping it around the small boy. He took a deep breath.

         "I want you to know I love you, Louis. You have always been the most important thing in my life. Even when I'm not here anymore, even when I'm far, far away from here, I'm going to be watching over you; making sure you are okay, making sure you are safe. When you were very young, when your mother left, I promised you I would take care of you. I promised myself I would never allow the cruel world to hurt you. I don't want to break that promise." He croaked, tears creating tracks down his pale, gray skin. The heart monitor picked up, beeping louder as the man's breath quickened— searching for air. Fear overtook him, and he knew there was nothing he could do to stop it.

         "Mark is going to take care of you. You are going to live with him and your sister, Charlotte. They will protect you in ways I will no longer be able to. They will help you bloom into the beautiful flower I know you will be-become," Troy whispered, gently brushing his fingers against Louis' cheek.

         The boy was looking at him with curiosity shining in his blue eyes. "Dahdee?"

         Troy smiled gently at the boy behind blurry eyes. "Daddy loves you so, so much, angel.  I'm sorry I can no longer protect you." He said, eyes slowly shutting as the pain worsened and it got harder for him to breathe. "Daddy will watch out for you, up there, baby. I'll never leave you."

         Louis frowned, watching as his father's eyes shut. "Dahdee no sweep. Cuddle wi' 'Ou!" He said, shaking the man's shoulders. "No no, dahdee," the boy whimpered, eyebrows furrowing as his eyes clouded with tears. "Dahdee!" He cried. "Up, dah, up!"

         The deafening sound of the heart monitor filling the room, alerting the nearby hospital personnel.

          Louis glanced over his shoulder, crying loudly as he stared at the staff. "T-tell 'y dahdee to 'ake up." He said, shaking the man once again. "... _p'ease_."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry ):


End file.
